They grow up so fast!! The basics of child development.

I think as parents we often have moments no matter how old our children are when we will just stop.  We stop and look at our kids and think: "I can't believe how fast they are growing up!"  I would like to discuss a basic overview of child development today, keeping in mind not only how fast our children grow up, but the importance of our expectations joining with where our children are at developmentally.  It is important that our expectations as parents grow with our children; yet, at the same time do not jump ahead of where there at.  So lets review our children and how they grow!

Generally children's growth into young adults is divided into six basic stages.

Babies or infants
Toddlers
Preschoolers
School Aged children
Preteens
Teenagers

As parents you are all well aware of how children now only grow physically, they also grow emotionally, mentally, and sexually.  I will complete a brief overview of each developmental stage from the resource cited below and I would like you to think how your expectations have grown with your children.

Babies/Infants
You will see an explosion of grown and development from birth to 18 months.  That first year is truly amazing: here are some of the things your baby will progress through while he/she grows into a toddler:

Birth – 1 Month

• Sleeps 20 hours a day

• Crying – main form of communication (fosters early interaction)

• Begins to have distinct facial expressions

• Moves limbs erratically

• Focuses both eyes together

• Can detect smells

• Sensitive to touch

• Uses reflexes

• Focuses on source of sound

2 – 3 Months

• Visual and oral exploration

• Cries, coos, and grunts

• Emotional distress

• Smiles at a face (social smiling)

• Imitates some movements and facial expressions

• Begins to realise he/she is a separate person from others

• Can be comforted by a familiar adult

• Can respond positively to touch

4 – 6 Months 

• Babbling

• Control of head and arm movements

• Recognises parents

• Distinguishes familiar people

• Pays attention to own name

• Reaches, grasps, and puts objects in mouth

• Laughs

7 – 9 Months

• Sits without support

• Crawls

• Emotional attachment to parents

• Separation anxiety (this can continue on)

• Distinguishes between living and non-living objects

• Aware that objects exist even when out of sight (object permanence)

10 – 12 Months

• Controls legs/feet

• Can stand

• Responds to simple commands

• Responds to own name

• Throws objects

• Mimics simple actions

• Says first real word

1 –1 ½ Years

• Walks unaided

• Feeds himself/herself

• Obeys commands

• Repeats words

• Understands many words, simple phrases, and directions

Toddler

Your baby growing into a toddler can be an exciting and sometimes frustrating time for parents.  This is usually when parents need to readjust their expectations of their child and begin applying basic discipline strategies.  It is important at this stage to keep in mind the emotional and mental development of the child and that their understanding of abstract concepts, such as sharing is not yet developed.  I would encourage you to rethink this stage as not the "terrible twos" but as I have heard it termed: "the terrific twos".  It is a very exciting time in your child's life, where every experience is an unsolved mystery!

1 ½ – 2 years

• Runs

• Interest in bathroom activities may begin

• Vocabulary of more than 200 words

• Temper tantrums

• Does opposite of what is told at times

• Expresses negative feelings

• Plays by himself/herself and initiates his/her own play

• Begins to show pride and pleasure at new accomplishments

2 –3 Years

• Toilet training often begins
• Can jump

• Uses short sentences

• Copies parents’ actions

• Gives orders

• Sense of humour

• Fear of separation

• Develops a concept of “self” and can identify himself/herself in the mirror

• Begins self-evaluation

• Conscience starts to appear

• Groups objects by category

• Points to common objects when they are named

• Recounts events that happened that day

• Assertive about his/her preferences

• Displays aggressive feelings/behaviours

• Shows awareness of gender identity

Preschoolers

As your child enters the preschoolers stage it is a very exciting time as well.  Again we have to readjust our expectations of our children.  It is important to ensure our discipline strategies are about teaching our child appropriate behaviour, rather than punishing behaviour normal for their developmental stage.  Magically children learn how to whine between two and three and a parent's resolve can be tested!  It is sometimes easier to give into whining; however, you will clearly see this increase if you make a habit of it :-) I personally love this stage because we are in it right now.  What big personalities emerge from these little people!

3 –4 Years

• Likes to share

• Plays with other children

• Practises gender role activities

• Curiosity – asks many “why” and “how” questions

• Begins dramatic play (acting out whole scenes)

• Shows awareness of past and present

• Uses and understands sentences

• Can sing a song

School Aged

We have big steps coming up between four and five.  School will be a big part of your child's life and it can be a big adjustment for parents and children.  Starting school is an exciting step in a child's life, but can also be scary.  Patience is important here as it is for any change and again a readjustment of our expectations to where our children are at developmentally.

4 –5 Years

• Skips

• Dresses himself/herself

• Talks clearly

• Uses more complex grammar

• Reads a story

• Can prefer gender specific activities

• Can draw, name, and describe pictures

• Shows some understanding of moral reasoning

• Compares himself/herself to others

• Develops friendships

• Expresses more awareness of other people’s feelings

• Retells a story

• Understands the sequencing of events when clearly explained

• Enjoys imaginative play with other children

6 –12 Years

• Growing independence

• Common fears include the unknown, failure, family problems, rejection, and death

• Friends are most commonly the same sex

• Begins to see others’ point of view more clearly

• Defines himself/herself in terms of appearance, possessions, and activities

• Are self-conscious

• Tattling – a common way to attract adult attention

• Feelings get hurt easily

• Begins to think about his/her own behaviour and see consequences

• Can talk through problems to solve them

Pre-teen

Friends become very important to pre-teens and peers can form the basis of a child's social identity.  Pre-teens are easily influenced and it can be a delicate balance for a parent to encourage independence while still ensuring their pre-teens are still being positively influenced by their peers.  Keep the lines of communication open and acquaint yourself with your child's friends and their parents, this can keep you in the loop without being intrusive because pre-teens begin to demand privacy at this stage.

12 – 14 Years

 

• Trying to find his/her identity

• Rapid body changes from puberty (girls mature before boys)

• Moodiness

• Shyness

• Greater interest in privacy

• Can express himself/herself better

• Uses actions more than words to communicate feelings

• Close friendships gain importance

• Influenced by peer groups

• Same-sex friends and group activities

• Shows parents less affection

• Realises that parents have faults

• Can revisit childish behaviour

• Feels like nothing bad could possibly happen to him/her

• Focuses mostly on the present

• Can experiment with the rules, cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol

• The adolescent can put together all the possible outcomes before beginning the problem (abstract thinking)

Teen

This is an exciting and frightening time for parents and teens.  Parents are expected learn to start to let go of some of their parental control and teens struggle between independence and still needing parental guidance and support.  Be patient with yourself and continue with that positive communication.  As with pre-teens it may be important to have clear boundaries and expectations of your teen and this can be created together in a collaborative way.  Work together with your teen, their desire for independence can be fostered to enable their own safety and healthy behaviours.

14-17 years

• Self-involvement

• Complains that parents get in the way of his/her independence

• Very concerned with appearance, body, and sexual attractiveness

• Changes relationships often

• Still feels like nothing bad could happen to him/her

• Can engage in risky behaviours

• Can have negative opinion of parents

• Tries to make new friends

• Competitive and selective peer groups

• Periods of sadness

• Intellectual interests are important

• Feelings of love and passion

• Development of principles

• Selection of role models

• More consistent evidence of conscience

• Ability to set goals is better

• Interest in moral reasoning

17-19 years

• Firmer identity

• Can delay gratification

• Thinks ideas through

• Expresses feelings in words

• Sense of humour more developed

• Interests are stable

• Emotional stability is greater

• Can make independent decisions

• Can compromise

• Pride in his/her work

• More self-reliant and independent

• Peer group not as important as a few good friends

• Greater concern for others

• Starts listening to parents advice again

• Greater concern for the future

• Thinks about his/her life role

• Concerned with serious relationships

• Clear sexual identity

• Useful insight

• Can set goals and follow through

• Accepts social institutions and cultural traditions

• Self-esteem is based on the adolescent’s view of himself/herself, rather than other people

I hope this was helpful to get us thinking about our children's development and our expectations of them.  Enjoy every stage, because as we all say at many points in our child's lives, they grow up so fast!

Your assignment as a Mom is Not a Four Letter Word Reader:

Give some thought to where your child is developmentally, are your expectations of him or her appropriate to where they are at?  Let us know what you come up with!

Cited resource: http://www.solutionsnottalk.com/pages/CF_developmental_tasks.html

Welcoming Another Child Without Resentment

My journey into motherhood began the same as most women's.  It began with the sudden realization that my period hadn't arrived in its usually timely fashion.  Then came the multiple trips to the calendar to count, recount, and then recount the days again.  This was followed by a trip to the nearest drug store, a visit to the bathroom, and approximately 3 minutes later my life had changed forever.  Eventually my little bundle made his appearance and my husband and I learned the true definition of sleep deprivation, mastered our gag reflexes, and learned to love in a capacity we never knew was possible.  A couple years later and the drama of calendar counting and drugstore trips played out again.  Once again a feeling of elation but this time coupled with something else.  A new kind of stress.  How would our firstborn take the news?  Would he be jealous of a sibling?  Would he understand?  Would we have enough love to give two children?

Flash forward a few years and we have three little boys running up and down our hallways.  As it turned out our source of love is a wellspring that never runs dry and our older children have never skipped a beat when welcoming a new addition.

So, how do you coach older children through the addition of new siblings?  You use the three R's: Relationship, Rehearsal, and Regard.

Relationship

This begins long before you start planning for subsequent children.  Building a healthy, supportive relationship with your children is the foundation of everything you do with them and will be key in successfully welcoming new members of the family.  Your child needs to trust you.  They need to trust what you say and they need to trust that your love for them is unconditional and constant.  Engaging in quality time with your children is the most effective way to foster positive relationships.  As does being consistent with what you say and do.  As does responding to their needs. 

The second step to "Relationship" is fostering a positive relationship between older children and expected arrivals.  You can do this by including them in the pregnancy.  Encourage them to be a part of the excitement.  Have family discussions about name possibilities, bring older siblings to ultrasound appointments and encourage them to ask questions.  Take them to your doctor's appointments too.  At my appointments my older children were given "jobs" during the exam.  They held the measuring tape, rubbed my belly with a towel to remove the doppler gel, etc.  Encourage older children to talk to Baby, massage your belly, and day dream about what fun they can have with a younger sibling.  If you read stories at bedtime you can ask them to choose two books.  One for them and one for the baby bump.  In other words, do what you can to engage them in the pregnancy.  By encouraging them to take ownership over the pregnancy you are encouraging them to take ownership of their new sibling.

Rehearsal

You could call this "Rehearsal" or "Role Play".  Either way it's about practicing having a baby in the house. You can start by getting a baby doll and playing with it and your older child.  Hold the doll with your child and show him/her how to touch a baby, how to talk to a baby, and how to care for a baby.  You can also practice what will happen to your older child(ren) when you go to the hospital.  Let them help you to pack their overnight bag if they're going to stay with someone else and, preferably, send them for a sleepover in advance to practice.  If you plan to have someone come to your house to stay with them, invite them over in advance too.  Have fun with it!  Children love role play!

Regard

"Regard", to be honest, was just the closest "r" word I could find to describe what can happen after the baby arrives.  By "regard" I mean to show regard, to show caring, and involve older siblings in this new transition.  This begins in the hospital.  Make their first visit to meet Baby a special one.  Make sure they get a first visit.  By inviting them to the hospital you can connect the dots for them between the relationship you fostered with the baby in your belly to the relationship you'll be encouraging with Baby in person.  That first meeting should be just as much about them as it is about Baby.  After all, congratulations are in store for becoming a big brother or sister as well!  We have been in the habit of tucking a gift for our older children into the hospital bag.  Then when they came they get to have that gift.  We've themed it around birth each time.  When our second was born we gave our first a baby doll of his own.  When our third was born we gave the older two dragons that hatched from eggs so they could celebrate the birth of their baby dragons too. 

In the hospital and at home encourage your older children to handle Baby (under your supervision) as much as possible.  Physical touch is the first way that we bond with someone (or something for that matter) so as important as skin-to-skin time and breastfeeding is to you bonding with Baby, it's just as important for touch to help bond siblings to Baby.  Encourage them to stroke baby's cheek and hand, to play with those little toes and rub their little belly. 

It's also important to involve them in Baby's care as much as possible.  "Can you pass Mummy a diaper"?  "Can you choose a snuggly blanket for Baby"?  Don't be afraid to let them see every aspect of Baby's care, including breastfeeding.  Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, feeding time is a great opportunity to show an older sibling that you can provide attention to both them and Baby at the same time.  Settle into a comfy spot, start feeding Baby, and read your older child a story while everyone snuggles. 

Through all of your new baby adventures do your best not to use the word "no" with older children in reference to Baby.  When your big boy or girl goes to touch baby's head don't shout "no" and pull their hand away.  Instead, gently redirect their hand to Baby's cheek or tummy and calmly say, "we touch Baby on his cheek, not his head".  By switching from "no" to "yes, but" we eliminate the polarizing effect that teaching Baby's care can sometimes have.  "Regard" is about showing your older child how important Baby is and reinforcing how important they are in your (not so little anymore) family they are too.

So, remember the three R's:  Relationship.  Rehearsal.  Regard.

Your assignment this week?  Find a creative way to foster your relationship with each of your children.  If you have more than one child, find some quality time to set aside for each of them, just with you.  Do the same if you only have one child.  If you are pregnant, slip away by yourself to reflect on the little life inside of you, dream about their future, and whisper your hopes to them.  Then, if you're comfortable, share what you did with us here.  Happy Parenting!!

Northern Mom

The all too familiar foe - Anxiety and Postpartum Depression

As Moms I believe we often convince ourselves that once we have our babies that everything will be story-book-like and we will live our lives as mothers, serene and peaceful, joyful at all times.  Even as a trained social worker well read about postpartum depression and as a woman who experienced anxiety in my early twenties, I thought I was well prepared for postpartum depression.  However postpartum is different for every woman.  We are all hit by that immediate hormone flux after baby that leaves us teary and emotional which many call the "baby blues".  However, what many women are still embarassed to discuss is the long-standing postpartum that they struggle with every day.  I myself experienced what you might call postpartum anxiety.  I was constantly overly worried about doing something wrong while caring for my baby, som,etimes unreasonable worries.  I am thankful that I had key women in my life as well as my husband, who supported me to work through it and feel more comfortable with myself as a mother.

Lately we are becoming more aware of how postpartum depression effects women and their families and I'd like to think that it is becoming less stigmaitized.  Yet, I do not believe that we are to the point where we can discuss it comfortably and openly.  It is important to recognize that postpartum depression and anxiety have different levels of severity and even classifications.  Postpartum depression can range from a mother experiencing mild depressive symptoms, yet still being able to function - to a mother who's functiontioning is completely impared and is having thoughts of suicide or even thoughts of harming her child.  The range of anxiety includes that which can be managed through various relaxation techniques, to anxiety that is severe enough to require medication to manage panic attacks.  Anxiety and postpartum depression can require hospitalization if it becomes severe enough.  That withstanding, my intention is not to go into the psychiatric details of anxiety and postpartum, but to send a loud message: postpardum depression and anxiety is something mothers need to be talking to each other about.  We need to open up the discussion so we can support each other.

In saying that I would like to discuss some of the supports that may be available to you if you feel you might be experiencing postpartum and/or anxiety:

• Your partner or husband.  Sometimes you may be frightened to tell your spouse about the thougths and feelings you are having, but chances are they have noticed and they are just not sure how to broach it with you.  Hopefully you are in a relationship where you can share this with your partner safely. 
• A key support person such as a best friend, your mother, a sister, basically anyone you trust and feel safe talking to.
• Your family doctor.  This is a key player in your health and they will likely be asking you about postpartum after you have a child.  They are also the person you need to go to if you are experiencing symptoms, they can help you determine how to address it.
• Your public health unit.  In some areas there are programs for first time mothers or mothers who may be at increased risk for postpartum.  Public health nurses are trained to look for symptoms of postpartum depression and have a great deal of helpful information and can refer you if they believe you are experiencing postpartum or anxiety.
• Your mental health office.  The professionals here specialized in anxiety and postpartum and are one of the best resources outside your doctor if you are experiencing symptoms.

I wouldn't say I have an assignment to give our readers upon reading this blog-just a hope that we open up the discussion.  Talk about postpartum depression with other moms,  we owe it to each other and our children.

The Joy of Cooking

Each day for me is a roller coaster of ups and downs with my family.  One second we're chasing each other around during an exuberant game of tag, the next we have two poopie diapers to change, the dog is ripping into the garbage, and the cat is throwing up in the hallway.  As mothers we learn to roll with the punches and to take pleasure in the little things.  But every so often we need to reclaim something bigger too.

For me, the most challenging part of my day is suppertime.  Generally, my nine-month-old gets just a little cranky about this time of day, my two big boys, starting to get tired and hungry, get super hyper, and, admittedly, I am really starting to fade.  When I was working full-time it was even worse since we rolled into the house at suppertime and I have never been very good at crock pot cooking.  All too often we end up eating sandwiches, pancakes, or plain pasta in an effort to prepare something quickly.  Cooking a fancy dinner around here has turned into spaghetti WITH sauce.  I know, your mouth is watering, right?

Over the last few months, though, I've started giving myself a pretty amazing gift.  I've reclaimed the joy of cooking.  No, I haven't started making fantastic meals every single night.  Spaghetti is still a staple in these parts.  And, no, I haven't started cooking dinner every night with a skip in my step and a smile on my face in an effort to change my attitude.  Instead, once every few weeks I have been choosing a challenging recipe from the dusty old cookbooks on my shelf, planning and preparing the meal for the benefit of my family.  We're learning how to "dine" together.  So far, I've made minestrone from scratch, a honey-glazed ham that was NOT pre-cooked, a turkey stuffed with lemons and basil, and, most recently, Bouef Bourignon for my mother's birthday.  In each instance, I have had to start cooking supper at about 1:00 in the afternoon to have it on the table for supper.  My family has enjoyed our special dinner, especially my husband, and we have laid out the table, lit candles, and taken our time eating together.  Since starting to give myself this gift, my children have given me the gift of thanking me not just for supper but for our "lovely supper" at every meal, even those spaghetti dinners.

I'm not super mom and I'm also not a neglectful mom.  I've timed these gifts for days when my husband has been home to help with the children, run downstairs for the onion I forgot to grab, or talk me off a ledge when things weren't working out.  In fact, it has brought some of the romance back from those days as a couple when we could prepare a meal together, lick sauce off each other's fingers, and, basically, flirt over food.

I challenge you to give yourself the gift of joyful cooking!  Get your partner involved, you can involve your children too.  Single parent?  Invite a friend over to help.  They keep your children out of your hair while you cook for the afternoon and, in return, they get to enjoy your incredible creation.  Shop together, cook together, dine together.  Reclaim a big thing!  Reclaim it the mommy way!

Northern Mom's Top 10 Money Savers

Money!  Money!  Money!  It's a rich man's world.  Thank you Abba for that depressing piece of information.  As parents we know that richness actually has nothing to do with money in the bank but, even so, money and finances remain one of the hottest button issues in most Canadian homes and marriages.  Regardless of your personal views on money we all have to provide basic needs to ourselves and our children and, since few of us are living sustainable, off-grid lifestyles, that generally involves bringing a financial income into our homes.  

There are two ways to do that.  The first, most obvious way, is to work either inside or outside of our home in order to make a paycheck.  There is a second, less discussed, way to bring an income into your home and that is by saving money you would have otherwise spent.  Stretching the money you have already doesn't get much attention or credit for that matter but anyone who has done it knows that it can be time-consuming, labour-intensive, and, well, downright hard!  So, in an effort to make that task a bit easier I am sharing my Top 10 List of Money Savers that we use here in the Northern Mom household.

10  RECYCLE

I RECYCLED MY FORMULA TINS.  CLICK TO FIND OUT HOW

What?!?  How does that save me money?  Recycled materials make great craft supplies for the kiddies!  Egg cartons, cleaned plastic cups and cutlery, baby food jars, milk cartons, need I go on?   A coat of paint, some tissue paper (also recycled from the last gift bag you received) and you can create something magnificent at very little cost.  When craft time is over and the kids are ready to move on to some great sketches and drawings save the fifteen pieces of paper that they scribble on.  They make great gift wrap for loved ones who will appreciate their gift being wrapped in the creative work of your little Picasso.  If you don't have extra sketches laying around and you need to wrap a gift consider recycling some newspaper to do it.  Just be careful which section you choose.  I did this for a child's birthday once and as I handed over the present I realized, to my horror, that I had wrapped it in the obituaries!  Yikes!  Thankfully he couldn't read yet and I whisked away the "garbage" as quickly as possible.  Other ways to use your recycling to save some money is to use the bottom of an egg carton to organize your drawers.  The cups are great for paper clips, etc., in the junk drawer and also function as a great way to keep your jewellery organized.  Milk jugs can be used as mini-greenhouses in the garden.  Just cut off the bottom of the jug and place the top over top of your zucchini or other plant.  You can pour water in through the spout and remove the jug once the plant is off to a good start.

9 LET TECHNOLOGY HELP YOU!

If you haven't already replaced your thermostat with a programmable one then consider squirreling away the pennies you'll be saving with all these tips until you have enough to change yours out.  Extreme changes in temperature in your house can have a big impact on your utility bill.  Using a programmable thermostat will keep your little ones from causing those big surges.  Also, avoid dropping the temperature of your house down too far at night.  Try to avoid temperature changes more than 2 degrees.  Believe it or not the money you think that you're saving by turning the thermostat way down at night gets eaten right back up when your furnace has to work so hard to heat up the house in the morning.

A second way to let technology help you to save money is to rely on your cruise control more when you're driving.  It's a myth that cruise control uses more gas.  In reality using your cruise control serves the same purpose as that programmable thermostat.  It prevents the surges that eat up your gas and, in turn, your bank balance.

8 DO IT YOURSELF

DIY!  DIY!  DIY!  Roll up your sleeves and learn to do things for yourself and save on paying someone else to do things for you.  Learn how to do your own oil change and save yourself a couple hundred dollars a year.  You'll pay for the oil and a filter and that's it.  Hit garage sales for that new coffee table you're desperate for and put some elbow grease into making it match your decor.  Get imaginative, be creative, and you'll also end up with an original piece.  

7 CLOTHING SWAP

Kids grow fast and a big expense for parents is keeping them clothed.  Don't be afraid of used clothes and hit the local thrift store for some great finds.  If you want to save even more money and/or you're stressed about buying used clothes from strangers then find a friend with children that are different sizes than yours and start trading clothes.  Get a fabric pen, label your clothes (have them do the same) and start trading the clothes your children have grown out of for their clothes that are in the size you need.  When you're done with them, swap them back (hence the labels).  I did this with a friend of mine.  The great thing is that we doubled our wardrobes without the cost or the storage once the kids grew out of them!  

Moms and dads need clothes from time to time too so why not arrange a clothing and accessory swap in your local community.  Everyone brings a few items they don't want or need anymore and, in exchange they can grab whatever catches their eye.  No money exchanges hands and everyone gets to refresh their wardrobe.  This works great for accessories. 

6 BABYSITTING SWAP

Babysitting costs are on the rise and because of that I know a lot of parents who can't get out of the house anymore.  What a shame!  An easy solution is to remind yourself that just as often as you gripe about not being able to go out anymore your friends with children are doing the same thing.  So, make a trade.  Offer to babysit for free for friends if, in exchange, they'll commit to a date to do the same for you.  What a great way to have date night without the extra cost of a sitter!  Plus your munchkins will get a play date out of it.  Do the same for a whole Saturday and you can get to some of those major projects around the house that are difficult to do with children under foot.

5 LEARN TO GROCERY SHOP

Sales at the grocery store happen in cycles.  If you start paying attention to those cycles you can buy almost all of your groceries only when they are on sale.  Generally these sales happen in three month cycles so if you walk into the grocery store and pasta sauce is on sale, buy three months worth.  By watching sale cycles at my local grocery store I haven't paid more than $1 for a jar of pasta sauce in almost a year!

Plan your trip to the grocery store.  Create a meal plan for the week or month (whatever works for your family), inventory what is in your cupboard so you have less waste, and shop based on that list.  Stick strictly to the list for perishable items and you'll stop throwing your money into the wastebasket (I'll confess that I stink at this and end up throwing out way too much food every month).  Go off list to buy non-perishables in bulk using those sale cycles to your advantage.  Also, as much as possible, cook from scratch.  Pre-packaged foods are costly because you're paying for convenience.  Develop a system to store and freeze your purchases, learn to use the crockpot more, and you'll find that cooking from scratch is still convenient with good planning.

4 BABY SAVINGS!

Babies are expensive!  Diapers, wipes, formula, aaah!  Alas, though, babies must be fed and kept clean and there are some ways to save.  You're going to hate me for saying this but one of the best ways to save on diapers is, of course, to use cloth diapers.  If that's asking too much then try experimenting with generic brand diapers.  With my third baby I was very surprised to discover a generic brand of diapers that, in my opinion, worked better than the well-known (and expensive) brand I had been using for years.  Wipes are another big cost that can be avoided with a wash cloth and a basin but, again, if the convenience of something disposable is more appealing to you then try this recipe.  Mix two cups of water, two tablespoons of oil (olive or coconut), and two drops of tea tree oil (which is a natural disinfectant and takes the place of the alcohol in store-bought wipes) in a bowl.  Cut a roll of good quality, thick paper towel in half lengthwise.  Put one half on end in a sealable plastic container.  Pour the solution you made over the paper towel and leave it for ten minutes.  Then, pull the cardboard insert out of the center of the paper towel.  You should then be able to pull the wipes up from the center just as you would Lysol wipes or such.  Pop the lid on and stick it on the change table.  Finally, to save on feeding baby, the most obvious is to breast feed (it's free), but once baby is on solids, again, pureeing your own baby food is a really simple way to save some cash.

3 NATURAL DEODORIZERS

Let's face it, homes with children can get stinky.  The lingering smell of the last diaper change, body odour from teenagers, with three boys my house is no stranger to maniacal bouts of flatulence!  Sometimes I'm in desperate need of something "pretty" to smell but spray deodorizers can be pricey.  Enter mother nature!  Pop some water in the crockpot and toss a few slices of lemon, a couple sprigs of rosemary, and about a tablespoon of vanilla into the water and simmer it throughout the day.  Add water as needed and breath deep for once!  

2 GET BACK TO BASICS

Another major cost for most households, especially with children and pets, is cleaning products.  Get out of the cleaning aisle and hit the baking section!  All you really need is baking soda and vinegar to keep your house spic and span.  Vinegar, diluted in water, in a spray bottle makes a great all-purpose cleaner and disinfectant and it's also a great fabric softener (surprise!).  Baking soda is a great way to clean your kitchen sink, your stove top, and mix it with vinegar in the bathtub to make a great scouring foam.  While you're at it you can show your little ones how to make a volcano!  Need a degreaser?  Grab the leftover lemon from your crockpot concoction and toss a half in the microwave.  Cook it for thirty seconds and you can literally wipe your microwave clean.  Toss the other half in the washing machine with your whites as an alternative to bleach!

And my number one cost saving tip...

1 GET UNPLUGGED

Did you know that the things you leave plugged in all the time might be drawing electricity all the time!!  Unless there is a switch to stop the flow of electricity you're racking up the electric bill even when the electronic is turned off.  In other words, the switch on your lamp stops you from paying more on your electric bill.  But, your microwave, TV, computer, coffee pot, etc., are costing you money even when you're not using them.  A simple solution is to unplug the microwave and coffee pot between uses.  You can do the same with the TV and computer by plugging everything into a power bar and flipping the switch when you're done with them.  It seems like a pain but believe me once you get in the habit it's not a big deal and the first time you see the savings on your electric bill you'll definitely remember!

Hopefully these tips and tricks will help you stretch your dollars just as they have mine.  Your assignment this week is to find one way to save money in your home and implement it.  And, as always, if you're comfortable, share it with us here.  If you have a great cost-saver of your own share it too.

Happy Parenting!

Northern Mom

We can't all be energizer bunnies - Recharging those batteries.

We all know that feeling as mothers, the one of pure exhaustion when you aren't completely sure you can carry on.  It's not just being physically tired, though that is a big part of it.  It's that constant giving and giving that mothers are so good at.  We are so good at giving of ourselves that often we forget to recharge our own batteries.  There is always children who have needs to be met, dishes to be done, laundry to do, and for many moms there is work in the mix too.  Not to mention that some of us have partners that may want a little face time too once and a while! 

Set up your own creative photo shoot

So when you are a mother and you give and give and give, who recharges you?  It is a question that I challenge you to ask yourself.  I'm hoping one of your answers would be "Me!" and hopefully others who support you in your life too - maybe your partner, maybe your friends or family members.  As a professional, I see moms all the time drained to the point where they aren't meeting anyone's needs anymore and it is negatively impacting their family.  As a mother myself, I know when I need to recharge my own batteries.  Self care is one of the most important priorities that every parent needs to have.  Some would describe it as compensating yourself as a mother.  We get paid to work, but of course no one is paying us to be parents (you can't put a dollar value on such an important job).  So how do we compensate ourselves?  I have a few points for you to think about and some suggestions that may help you get into the mindset of caring for yourself as well as you do your children.

• Ask yourself the question: when was the last time I sat down just for the sake of sitting down?  Not because you were eating a meal with your children, but just sat down for you.  You may be surprised at how long it's been!
• When was the last time you did something purely for you, whether it be taking a bubble bath or dusting off one of the numerous hobbies you used to work at pre-children?
• What are some of the activities you do with your family that recharge you and how can you capitalize on those times outside of your regular routine?

These questions will hopefully get you thinking.  The most important thing I will say is we have to give ourselves permission as mothers to care for ourselves and know that it is important.  Too often I believe it is easy to allow our own needs to fall by the wayside, or to see some "me" time as selfish.

Some ideas I have around self care activities many of you may have done or do already, so I am open to suggestions and comments.  Here are some of my personal favourites, some take more time than others and some can be done alone or with your family:

Dive into craft time

• Bubble baths with candles and maybe a little treat (yes I do like to eat chocolate in the tub....).
• Self pedicures.  Always preferable for me to have someone else rub lotion on those tired feet and maybe paint those toes, but lets face it salons usually charge enough to buy a good few bags of groceries and some of us don't like our feet touched by someone else anyway!
• A cup of tea or coffee and a five minute sit.  This is what I was talking about before, sitting down and taking a mini break can make a huge difference in your day.
• Family walks.  These are a great time to visit with your children and maybe your partner and get some of that needed exercise.  After supper can be a really good time to do this for some families because if you have a partner you both may be home at this time to join in too.
• My personal favourite: dishes/laundry strike!  Maybe I am encouraging "bad housekeeping" techniques but really...will it hurt for the dishes or laundry to wait one night so you can watch a movie after the kids are in bed or maybe tackle some of that long put off project you enjoy doing? I would suggest that the dishes will wait, in fact I have tested the theory and have concluded that nothing seems to fall apart the next day if the dishes aren't done.
• Hobbies ladies! Some mom's love to scrapbook, sew, create, some moms love to blog.  It is very healthy to have something that you can decompress yourself with and creating something gives us that sense of accomplishment.
• I hate to say it and you all may groan...but exercise.  Even a few at home exercises.  You can find lots of suggestions on the Internet that can get the ol' heart going and give you a boost of energy.
• An obvious one that many moms engage in is playgroups or play dates with other moms.  It is an awesome way to occupy the kids, while getting some much needed adult time.
• Craft time! I don't know about you, but colouring or splattering some paint with my kids is more relaxing than you would think.  The key is to enjoy it and try to forget that you have to clean it all up after....haha

Lots of communities have spray parks that are a great place for everyone to cool off and relax!



There are so many ways to relax, I repeat myself when I say we need to give ourselves permission as moms.  We deserve to be recharged and the only person who is going to be able to initiate that is you.  If you are having difficulty giving yourself permission I will quote a long standing "Loreal" slogan...:"Because you're worth it!"

So Mom Is Not a Four Letter Word readers....what do you do to care for yourself?

Nesting, not just for waterfowl!

The fun stuff...setting up the nursery....There are a surprising number of emotions that come up when we set up the room that will welcome a new baby. Excitement, anticipation, warmth, nervousness, a need for perfection, and that maternal stirring so tactfully associating women with waterfowl....nesting.

So before you start I would suggest obtaining someone who can put together a wide variety of piecemeal furniture.  Even if you scored some second hand stuff, cribs in my experience do not fit through doors. I have endless video of my husband enduring me taping him while he set up the crib, change table, and dresser for our first baby. Then, prepare to assemble, this may take longer than you think! After you have all your furniture put together arrange it how you like and of course you have to add a few blankies!  I got very excited and had to put all the little clothes in the drawers, etc.  It can be very exciting!

Some may wish me to talk about decor and  design ideas, but that is more Northern Mom's territory. I would suggest a few random tips for setting up baby's room.

1. Make it a special place. Arrange and decorate so you can be comfortable there for those endless feedings and changings. A comfy chair is a good idea and even a mini stereo for music.

2. If you are short on space, a low dresser can double as a change table with one of those curved change pads. They are not expensive and have a safety buckle as well.

3. Put some pictures of your family and baby up, it wonderful to look at these change as your baby grows.

4. Enjoy yourself, This can be one of the most fun preparations for baby while you are expecting.

If you wish, you can post some fun design ideas or money saving tips for nurseries, our readers would likely find them helpful!

Thanks for reading!
Mom-of-all-trades

An add-on by Northern Mom, 

Setting up a nursery is one of the most exciting, and sometimes overwhelming, parts of being pregnant.  I've included some pictures of our nursery to show some of our favourite ideas for setting up a nursery.

 First, we chose to use a neutral color for the walls that will work for the long-term.  We've put hits of baby boy blue throughout the room in ways that can easily be changed out if we have a daughter someday or if we decide to repurpose the room.  The placement of the crib is purposeful.  It's on an inside wall, well away from the window.  This way we don't have to worry about nasty drafts causing trouble for our precious little guy.  It's also relatively close to the door so it's easy for us to peak in on sleeping baby.  You'll notice there's no bumper pad on the crib for safety reasons.  The blanket set we bought came with one so I repurposed it.  You can see it on the lamp (top left).  I simply took an old lamp that we had kicking around the house, cut part of the bumper pad out, slapped on a little hot glue, and, voila, matching lamp.  I also made the sign above the bed, which we placed high enough that baby can't reach it. 

We installed this ceiling fan just before our third son was born.  We had been having issues with the room getting really hot in the summer and needed a way to cool it down.  Our best brain wave though was to put it on a dimmer switch.  The dimmer switch makes putting baby down at bedtime and visiting him during the night a lot more relaxing and less stimulating.

I highly recommend a hook or set of hooks somewhere in the nursery.  Here you can see we've got a baby housecoat hanging on ours (what's cuter than a baby housecoat?).  We also use it everyday to hang his sleep sack for the day.  Something to consider when you're shopping for your upcoming arrival.  Sleep sacs are a great alternative to blankets.  Experienced parents will tell you that it's common for babies to pull blankets up onto their faces and get "trapped" under them, kick blankets off causing them to get cold and disrupt their sleep, or simply get tangled up in them.  Sleep sacks are a great way to keep baby warm without worrying about any of these problems.  They're basically sleeping bags that the baby wears like a pair of overalls.  We love them!

I really wanted to show you the rug underneath our change table.  This serves a couple of purposes.  The first, and most important, is for safety.  It's a great idea to put soft floor coverings in front of the change table.  Obviously you don't intend for baby to fall off the change table but, accidents can happen and a soft rug can cushion a fall.  The second purpose is for your tootsies.  Guess what?  You're going to be standing at that change table a lot.  A lot.  A lot.  So why not have warm, comfy tootsies.

This is the amazing change table that my husband made for me when we were expecting our first.  I'll just point out a few things.  First, the change pad is exactly what Mom-Of-All-Trades was talking about.  We just put a store-bought cover over top.  Most of the time we have another rectangular change pad on top so if it gets soiled we can just toss it into the laundry and and pop a new one under baby.  We purposefully chose to have removable boxes rather than drawers.  I'm able to grab any box and pop it onto the table beside me with one hand so everything is at my fingertips.  We also made a spot for the laundry hamper so it would be easy to to clean up.  With the laundry right there I never have to go back into the nursery later to pick up dirty clothes from the floor.  I'll also point out the basket on top of the change table.  It's full of diapers.  Every couple of days I refill it so the diapers are always at my fingertips.  It also allows me to keep the boxes of diapers tucked in the closet so the nursery always looks neat and tidy.  Tucked behind the box of diapers is a tupperware container for homemade baby wipes.  I have a great recipe for this that I can share at a later date.

So, that's how we laid out our nursery.  We did our nursery remodel when we were expecting our third son so we knew what worked and didn't work for us.  I'm finally really satisfied with what we have.  I want to point out too that, with the exception of the change table, everything in the nursery is second hand and given to us by others.  So, a coat of paint and matching door pulls gave us a "new" nursery.  With a little elbow grease and some creativity you can have the beautiful nursery of your dreams for very little cost.  We've also built up the "stuff" in our nursery over the birth of three children so I can tell you that you can get by with very little.  If you don't have a lot of money make sure you have some diapers (cloth saves you money), wipes (you can make your own for pennies), a few sleepers, some receiving blankets, and you'll find you can get by if you're nursing.  If you aren't planning to nurse 3-6 bottles will get you by as well.  Then you can wait to see what you get for gifts and fill in the rest over time.  Baby clothes and products are often great to buy second hand because infants put very little wear and tear into things.  Often second hand baby products are in great shape.  The only true "must-have" product that I would recommend you buy new is a car seat.  You will not be allowed to drive away from the hospital without one.

Happy nesting!

Northern Mom