Generally children's growth into young adults is divided into six basic stages.
Babies or infants
Toddlers
Preschoolers
School Aged children
Preteens
Teenagers
As parents you are all well aware of how children now only grow physically, they also grow emotionally, mentally, and sexually. I will complete a brief overview of each developmental stage from the resource cited below and I would like you to think how your expectations have grown with your children.
Babies/Infants
You will see an explosion of grown and development from birth to 18 months. That first year is truly amazing: here are some of the things your baby will progress through while he/she grows into a toddler:
Birth – 1 Month
• Sleeps 20 hours a day
• Crying – main form of communication (fosters early interaction)
• Begins to have distinct facial expressions
• Moves limbs erratically
• Focuses both eyes together
• Can detect smells
• Sensitive to touch
• Uses reflexes
• Focuses on source of sound
2 – 3 Months
• Visual and oral exploration
• Cries, coos, and grunts
• Emotional distress
• Smiles at a face (social smiling)
• Imitates some movements and facial expressions
• Begins to realise he/she is a separate person from others
• Can be comforted by a familiar adult
• Can respond positively to touch
• Babbling
• Control of head and arm movements
• Recognises parents
• Distinguishes familiar people
• Pays attention to own name
• Reaches, grasps, and puts objects in mouth
• Laughs
• Sits without support
• Crawls
• Emotional attachment to parents
• Separation anxiety (this can continue on)
• Distinguishes between living and non-living objects
• Aware that objects exist even when out of sight (object permanence)
• Controls legs/feet
• Can stand
• Responds to simple commands
• Responds to own name
• Throws objects
• Mimics simple actions
• Says first real word
• Walks unaided
• Feeds himself/herself
• Obeys commands
• Repeats words
• Understands many words, simple phrases, and directions
Toddler
Your baby growing into a toddler can be an exciting and sometimes frustrating time for parents. This is usually when parents need to readjust their expectations of their child and begin applying basic discipline strategies. It is important at this stage to keep in mind the emotional and mental development of the child and that their understanding of abstract concepts, such as sharing is not yet developed. I would encourage you to rethink this stage as not the "terrible twos" but as I have heard it termed: "the terrific twos". It is a very exciting time in your child's life, where every experience is an unsolved mystery!
• Runs
• Interest in bathroom activities may begin
• Vocabulary of more than 200 words
• Temper tantrums
• Does opposite of what is told at times
• Expresses negative feelings
• Plays by himself/herself and initiates his/her own play
• Begins to show pride and pleasure at new accomplishments
2 –3 Years
- Toilet training often begins
- Can jump
• Uses short sentences
• Copies parents’ actions
• Gives orders
• Sense of humour
• Fear of separation
• Develops a concept of “self” and can identify himself/herself in the mirror
• Begins self-evaluation
• Conscience starts to appear
• Groups objects by category
• Points to common objects when they are named
• Recounts events that happened that day
• Assertive about his/her preferences
• Displays aggressive feelings/behaviours
• Shows awareness of gender identity
Preschoolers
As your child enters the preschoolers stage it is a very exciting time as well. Again we have to readjust our expectations of our children. It is important to ensure our discipline strategies are about teaching our child appropriate behaviour, rather than punishing behaviour normal for their developmental stage. Magically children learn how to whine between two and three and a parent's resolve can be tested! It is sometimes easier to give into whining; however, you will clearly see this increase if you make a habit of it :-) I personally love this stage because we are in it right now. What big personalities emerge from these little people!
• Likes to share
• Plays with other children
• Practises gender role activities
• Curiosity – asks many “why” and “how” questions
• Begins dramatic play (acting out whole scenes)
• Shows awareness of past and present
• Uses and understands sentences
• Can sing a song
School Aged
We have big steps coming up between four and five. School will be a big part of your child's life and it can be a big adjustment for parents and children. Starting school is an exciting step in a child's life, but can also be scary. Patience is important here as it is for any change and again a readjustment of our expectations to where our children are at developmentally.
• Skips
• Dresses himself/herself
• Talks clearly
• Uses more complex grammar
• Reads a story
• Can prefer gender specific activities
• Can draw, name, and describe pictures
• Shows some understanding of moral reasoning
• Compares himself/herself to others
• Develops friendships
• Expresses more awareness of other people’s feelings
• Retells a story
• Understands the sequencing of events when clearly explained
• Enjoys imaginative play with other children
• Growing independence
• Common fears include the unknown, failure, family problems, rejection, and death
• Friends are most commonly the same sex
• Begins to see others’ point of view more clearly
• Defines himself/herself in terms of appearance, possessions, and activities
• Are self-conscious
• Tattling – a common way to attract adult attention
• Feelings get hurt easily
• Begins to think about his/her own behaviour and see consequences
• Can talk through problems to solve them
Pre-teen
Friends become very important to pre-teens and peers can form the basis of a child's social identity. Pre-teens are easily influenced and it can be a delicate balance for a parent to encourage independence while still ensuring their pre-teens are still being positively influenced by their peers. Keep the lines of communication open and acquaint yourself with your child's friends and their parents, this can keep you in the loop without being intrusive because pre-teens begin to demand privacy at this stage.
• Trying to find his/her identity
• Rapid body changes from puberty (girls mature before boys)
• Moodiness
• Shyness
• Greater interest in privacy
• Can express himself/herself better
• Uses actions more than words to communicate feelings
• Close friendships gain importance
• Influenced by peer groups
• Same-sex friends and group activities
• Shows parents less affection
• Realises that parents have faults
• Can revisit childish behaviour
• Feels like nothing bad could possibly happen to him/her
• Focuses mostly on the present
• Can experiment with the rules, cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol
• The adolescent can put together all the possible outcomes before beginning the problem (abstract thinking)
Teen
This is an exciting and frightening time for parents and teens. Parents are expected learn to start to let go of some of their parental control and teens struggle between independence and still needing parental guidance and support. Be patient with yourself and continue with that positive communication. As with pre-teens it may be important to have clear boundaries and expectations of your teen and this can be created together in a collaborative way. Work together with your teen, their desire for independence can be fostered to enable their own safety and healthy behaviours.
• Self-involvement
• Complains that parents get in the way of his/her independence
• Very concerned with appearance, body, and sexual attractiveness
• Changes relationships often
• Still feels like nothing bad could happen to him/her
• Can engage in risky behaviours
• Can have negative opinion of parents
• Tries to make new friends
• Competitive and selective peer groups
• Periods of sadness
• Intellectual interests are important
• Feelings of love and passion
• Development of principles
• Selection of role models
• More consistent evidence of conscience
• Ability to set goals is better
• Interest in moral reasoning
• Firmer identity
• Can delay gratification
• Thinks ideas through
• Expresses feelings in words
• Sense of humour more developed
• Interests are stable
• Emotional stability is greater
• Can make independent decisions
• Can compromise
• Pride in his/her work
• More self-reliant and independent
• Peer group not as important as a few good friends
• Greater concern for others
• Starts listening to parents advice again
• Greater concern for the future
• Thinks about his/her life role
• Concerned with serious relationships
• Clear sexual identity
• Useful insight
• Can set goals and follow through
• Accepts social institutions and cultural traditions
• Self-esteem is based on the adolescent’s view of himself/herself, rather than other people
I hope this was helpful to get us thinking about our children's development and our expectations of them. Enjoy every stage, because as we all say at many points in our child's lives, they grow up so fast!
Your assignment as a Mom is Not a Four Letter Word Reader:
Give some thought to where your child is developmentally, are your expectations of him or her appropriate to where they are at? Let us know what you come up with!
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