Worthwhile work assignment

Hello Everyone,
I wanted to respond to Northern Mom's "assignment" and post my answer to it.  I have two small children, a three year old girl and an 11 month old boy.

Northern Mom's discussion of worthwhile work makes me think, especially about those little things I do everyday.  That could be saying thank you to my child, or kissing an "owie" better.  It could even be making sure they somehow eat those dreaded vegtables once and a while.  Those little things build into much bigger themes that I hope our children catch onto, such as love, empathy, or respect for others.  So, my top five reasons why I know that, as a mother, I am doing worthwhile work are about the little things that can become so much bigger:

1. There is a genuine connection between my daughter and son and you can physically see the caring they have for each other. -Love

2. My oldest child shows sincere concern when her sibling or friend is hurt and tries to comfort them. - Empathy.

3. My oldest child has manners, this is something simple that I am very proud of. - Respect.

4. My children are comforted by myself and their father when they are hurt or sad. - Attachment/connection.

5. I can generally take my children out in public without a complete disaster....generally! If there is a disaster I can deal with it without completely losing my cool. - Discipline.

Thanks Northern Mom for a completely "worthwhile" assignement!


Mom of All Trades

Parenting Fundamentals: Worthwhile Work

In order for any pursuit to be successful it has to have a purpose.  Purpose, in turn, comes from the knowledge that the pursuit is worthwhile.  In this, the first of a series of articles called Parenting Fundamentals, we’ll be discussing the very foundation of parenting and the first stone we’ll lay is labelled “worthwhile work”.

I’m not talking about taking pleasure in parenting or enjoying your children’s company.  Hopefully that’s a given for you.  I’m talking about exploring the reason why you became a parent in the first place.  What did you hope to achieve as a parent?  I’m talking about what you tell yourself when you’re having one of those days that you’re at your absolute wit’s end, exhausted, frustrated, ready to put the kids on a corner with a sign, “Free to a good home”.  The deep inner knowledge of a greater sense of purpose that gets you to wipe the tears from your eyes, take a deep breath, retire the sign to a corner in the basement, smile at the kids and try again.

This is one area where, I believe, both science and religion give us the same answer.  Science tells us that we become parents in order to guarantee our biological legacy.  Religion tells us that we become parents in order to pass on our spiritual legacy.  Where did we match up?  Legacy.  Regardless of whether they carry on the family name, family business, or family traits, our children weave little pieces of ourselves into themselves.  Everything we say, do, and expose our children to helps to create the person they will become.  My husband’s grandfather says that we pour our own wisdom and experience into the next generation so that they can start further ahead than we did.  In effect, each passing generation has the potential to achieve, influence, and create more and have more of a positive impact on their environment than the one before it.

I want to be really clear.  When I say legacy I’m not talking about money.  I’m talking about character and values.  Did you ever notice that the words discipline and disciple have the same root?  It means to learn.  In essence, our role as parents is to provide our children with the lessons, teaching, and support that they need to strike out on their own, take the legacy that you’ve given them, build on it to create one of their own, and, perhaps, pour their legacy into their own children someday.

This is how the “work” of being a parent becomes worthwhile.  Sure the little things make it worthwhile too: that special smile they have just for your, inside jokes with them, hugs and kisses.  Those are also our “compensation”, which we’ll talk about later in the series.  It’s the big picture that makes work worthwhile.  It’s raising sons that you know will be incredible partners and fathers, daughters that know their true value.  Watching your children’s personalities emerge, quirks and all, and getting a vision for what incredible people they’re becoming.

My top five reasons why I know that, as a mother, I am doing worthwhile work are:
    1.  Even as pre-schoolers I can see that my sons have tremendous character.
    2. I am an encouragement to my husband in both his professional life and as a father
    3. My own experience as a mother allows me to be a support to other mothers
    4. Although I may sometimes catch my children emulating my negative traits, I have often seen them emulate my strengths as well
    5. At the end of the day, regardless of how difficult a day we may have had, I still look forward to tomorrow

Your assignment over the next few days is to give yourself the gift of purpose.  Think about what makes being a parent worthwhile work.  Make your top five list.  Write it down.  Add to it when you think of things.  If you’re comfortable share your list with us.  We’d love to hear from you.

Happy Parenting!
Northern Mom

Fridge Magnets

Fridge magnets, sometimes they can hold more meaning than something to simply hold up your grocery list.  That has never been more true for me than when I read a fridge magnet on a co-worker's file cabinet one day, before I had even planned to become a mother. 

"The best feeling in the world is a child's hand in mine."

I remember thinking: "aww that was sweet," and the cartoon picture of the little girl holding hands with their parent was cute.  I never realised that that fridge magnet would stick in my mind throughout my journey of becoming a parent and experiencing motherhood.  Oh I had worked with families who had children and needed support in my professional world, and of course, I have my own mother.  Yet, I never knew the deepest meaning of the word when that tiny hand gripped my finger, gave me that first "baby high five", and held my hand walking down the street talking about her day.  I still think of that magnet I read five years ago, a thousand kilometres away, in a time where it was just me and my husband.  What the heck did I do with myself?!?

I hope to travel with the readers of this blog, exploring with "Northern Mom" the "magnets" in life that affect mothers and their families.  I hope to share some of my experiences working with mothers in their homes, my own experiences as a mother, and how they all seem to fit together to create a fridge where the magnets are knocked and ripped off daily because there are just so many!

Mom of all trades

Mom Is Not a Four Letter Word

Do you remember in grade school when you were asked to list all of your roles?  You would have wrote things like daughter, friend, sister, student.  We were all too young to put mom on that list.  For many of us the only time we had given thought to being a mom was when we played with our baby dolls.  The reality of being a mom was probably the furthest thing from our minds.  Now, with three children, the role of mom almost completely encompasses my identity.  Reality is not the same as those days playing with dolls.  Reality is so much better.

Recently I heard of a study that claims that moms who work out of the house are “happier” than moms who stay at home.  Happier.  HAP-PI-ER.  What does it mean for a mom in one circumstance to be “happier” than another.  Scaling the emotions of people forgets that emotions are not just a result of circumstance.   They can also be a state of mind.  When Mom-Of-All-Trades and I started talking about creating this blog we knew we wanted it to be more than just our musings on motherhood.  We wanted to talk about our personal experiences with our families, share our different perspectives, and temper them with our professional experience (we’ve both enjoyed careers providing support to families in need of the tools to achieve their full potential) to provide our readers with an opportunity to relate, share, learn, and hopefully grow.  We know that whether you stay at home, work full-time, part-time, or casual, work in the home, have your children with you 24/7, or have them every second weekend and two months in the summer, your title, Mom, doesn’t change.  Your capacity for happiness doesn’t change.  And no matter how you spell it, Mom is not a four letter word.